The mantle of becoming CxO (part 2)
When becoming CEO makes you feel nothing
This is the second article in the series “The Mantle of Becoming CxO”, where we discuss mindsets, tactics, vision, and the motivation of startup leaders who lead their lives and companies with equal passion.
When we set out in our careers, an infinite number of paths stretch out before us.
Intimidating to some, exciting to others, no single person’s paths look the same as another’s. But invariably, we all imagine that they go upwards.
What happens when you reach the peak of one path and you feel…nothing?
For this article I talked about ambition, leadership, and entrepreneurial identity with Josh Gratsch. Josh is the CEO of Ascend Innovations, a behavioral health tech company focused on aligning data with the design of community programs and services.
Christine: So, let's dive into our early days as entrepreneurs. Josh, you’ve mentioned to me that your sole goal in your 20s was becoming a CEO. Can you talk more about that journey and what happened when you finally reached that goal?
Josh: Absolutely. In my 20s, climbing the ladder was my focus. Growth looked like taking on a new role and responsibilities at every chance. It was a crash course in leadership and operating a business. The experience was formative.
I learned so much when it came to self-awareness, leading people, navigating adversity, managing financials, relationship building, and everything else across the spectrum of character and competency development—all within a period of five to six years.
However, where I missed the mark is how I aligned my internal reward system.
It was all about the outcome and achieving my goal of becoming CEO. When I eventually attained the position, I felt…nothing. In fact, I felt like nobody. Why?
Because I chased a title without purpose.
I didn’t have clarity on my ‘why.’ To top it off, a month after I took on the CEO role, my third child was born, and instead of taking paternity leave, I inundated myself with work. That’s what a CEO should do, right?
That was the catalyst for taking a deeper look at myself and the role I was intended to serve.
Christine: I resonate with that, absolutely. I was the epitome of the "always-on" entrepreneur. I worked on trains, in cars, even while hiking, in my head. It was like I couldn't switch off.
I felt this immense pressure to constantly be productive, to prove my worth. And in a way, it was fulfilling. I loved building my business, but it came at a cost.
I was missing out on life, on connections, on simply being present.
Josh: There’s a stereotypical understanding of being a CEO, and it’s a trap. It’s much deeper than the hard work required. The real perspective exists in the ‘becoming’ part once you’re in the seat.
Christine: Yes, very much so. And it seems like reaching the pinnacle of CEO came with its own set of challenges and realizations for both of us too.
Josh, you mentioned that the first six months in the role were a steep learning curve, especially when it came to navigating adversity. Can you elaborate on what you learned during that time?
Josh: Those first six months were the hardest I had yet to experience professionally. Our spinout company that had raised capital earlier that year failed, so we had to cut back most of the staff and pivot. Then, we hit a financial crisis with our core consulting business, which resulted in significant leadership cuts by the end of the year.
That was just the start; it’s taken us two years to climb back. On top of that, having just become a father of three I had much to learn and decide about how I wanted to show up personally.
Frankly, my kids don’t care about my challenges; they care that I am there with them. This is where I learned the importance of grounding myself in values and principles, having something foundationally that guides every decision I make.
Christine: That’s the North Star, isn’t it? Arriving at the values and principles that will shape the company from your unique leadership abilities and strengths. I totally agree - values are the roots of the actions that will bring the company vision to be. And they also give us the freedom to define the boundaries we need to create space for those precious people and moments in our life.
Enjoying this series? The next article will explore what it takes to transition to company leadership with "little" management experience.
I also welcome topic requests - just get in touch!
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Christine Hsieh
Christine Hsieh
Follow me on LinkedIn for weekly posts on entrepreneurial leadership, founders, scaling, performance, and personal growth.
Josh has been with Ascend innovations for nine years, having advanced from a data scientist to the CEO role. With his quick advancement, Josh has become passionate about what it takes to transition from an individual contributor to a leadership role and strives to help others through that journey. He received his Bachelor's in Mathematics from Urbana University and a Master's in Operations Research from the Air Force Institute of Technology.
You can follow Josh on LinkedIn here.